Loose Change
by KagoTori
Summary: It all started with a sandwich. A commoner sandwich no less. Who knew something so delicious could cause such havoc? Certainly not the unsuspecting Host Club. Now the only way to save Haruhi from a horrible fate is through trickery and overly complicated missions. If they succeed, the club stays together. If they fail, Haruhi probably won't care. Contains penguins and fluff.


**DISCLAIMER: These things are silly. Of course I don't own Ouran! If I ever write a book though, I'll totally write fanfiction for it, haha!**

**~o~**

It was an average day at Ouran High. The gardens were in full bloom, the sky was blue, and Haruhi had only seen people pop out of trap doors that shouldn't have existed on two separate occasions. She carried her lunch through the glittering, high ceiling cafeteria, while a live string quartet played soothing violin music from a rose petal strewn corner of the room. Delicious smells wafted from behind the order counter, and she breathed in deeply, wondering which rare delicacies were the source.

At least the smell was free. Haruhi enjoyed it for a moment, then pushed the thought aside. She had a perfectly good lunch, and it had cost her less than five hundred yen to make. It was about a tenth of the price of even the lowest marked food item on the schools menu.

"But please, madame, you must accept these. I assure you, they are more than sufficient for this order."

Haruhi looked up, noticing a student dressed in Ouran blue, leaning over the counter urgently. The girl, a brunette worker in white, was smiling politely, her hands clasped in front of her.

"I'm sorry sir, but we can't accept this currency," she apologized sincerely, her smile bright. "Is there any way you could convert it to yen first?"

"I tried, but the ATM wouldn't accept them either for some reason!" the student despaired. His brown hair was parted evenly down the middle, and hung just to his chin. He wore glasses that looked as though they had come from an old magazine, made with gleaming, finely worked brown metal."Please, isn't there anything you can do?"

"I'm sorry sir..."

The boy noticed Haruhi, and turned to her despairingly. "Good sir, can you lend me some change? I'm afraid I'm in a spot of trouble...it appears the school doesn't accept post continental American made coins. They're only from the last century or so, and in mint condition! It is quite inexcusable!"

"If it's only change I guess I can help," Haruhi shrugged, pulling her beaten wallet from her school uniform. "How much do you need?"

"A ten thousand yen note should do," the student said gratefully, as though this were the most basic request in the world. "I'll pay you back in full, I assure you."

"_Ten thousand yen_?" Haruhi sputtered, completely taken off guard. "I don't have anywhere close to that much on me! You call that change?"

"What am I going to do?" he despaired, clutching his hand to his heart. "I haven't eaten since last night. Oh delicious filet mignon, oh pepper crusted rack of lamb, how I yearn for your juicy, brilliantly spiced meat! Am I to starve in this heinous cafeteria, a victim of cruel fate?"

Haruhi thought that maybe being a Drama Queen was contagious in this school. Then again, maybe rich kids really _did_ think they would starve after half a day without caviar. "Well I don't know about filet mignon," she admitted, unwrapping her lunch from its brightly patterned handkerchief. "I have an extra sandwich though. Here, you can have it. Maybe bring normal money to school from now on."

Haruhi placed the plain sandwich in his hands unceremoniously. "My name is Haruhi Fujioka."

The students hazel eyes went wide behind the frames of his glasses as he stared at the sandwich, as though it were made of solid gold. "Haruhi Fujioka. Never have I witnessed such _generosity_! Thank you, a thousand times, thank you! I have been saved from the brink of starvation! I must repay you!"

"Oh, it's really no problem," Haruhi assured him, wondering briefly when she could escape to eat the remainder of her lunch. _Also it cost less than five hundred yen_. "You don't have to do anything like that."

"I insist," he said, clasping her hand. "Please, call me Hiroya-san. In exchange for your help today, you must accept these coins. The school may not have any use for them, but I assure you they are quite valuable!" Hiroya-san pressed the dingy looking coins into Haruhi's hand. She blinked, thanking him dubiously. She made her way through the lunchroom to the table in the corner, isolated from the crowd of rich teens.

She sighed with relief, contenting herself to a quiet lunch. She set the misshapen, and slightly lumpy looking coins on the surface of the table next to her food.

What was she supposed to do with these?

"Soooo," a voice purred, as an arm draped itself across her shoulders. "What was up with that guy?"

"He seemed clingy." Another arm joined the first, as Kaoru sipped at his drink noisily.

"Hikaru-san, Kaoru-san," Haruhi sighed, her dream of a quiet lunch dying abruptly. "What do you want?"

"Hey now," Hikaru complained. "Is that any way to greet your close friends? We were worried, that's all! Takumi Hiroya can be a real pain."

"He's always bringing weird coins to school instead of yen," Kaoru explained. "His parents run a successful chain of museums and natural history restoration centers across the globe. On top of that, Hiroya inherited a large coin collection from his deceased Grandfather. He never has anything but weird currencies."

"Who tries to buy things with old coins? They're probably worth more than the things he wants to buy." Haruhi complained. "Damn rich kids."

"I couldn't agree more," Tamaki broke in, sitting across the table from them with a flourish, actual glitter shining in the air around him, moved by a faint wind. "Of course, Haruhi, that's exactly right!"

"He has no idea what we're talking about," Hikaru explained, ignoring the fabulous blonde, who appeared to be posing for some unseen camera. "Tell us the story. What did Hiroya say?"

Haruhi sighed, accepting that she wouldn't get to eat in peace until she explained the whole thing. She relayed the tale in short sentences, eating her apple in between them. "I gave him a sandwich, and he seemed fine," she finished, wondering if Takumi Hiroya had ever eaten a commoner sandwich before. Surely he was used to rare imported meats instead of cheap ham? "Although I think he might have been a little too grateful. It was just a sandwich."

"Just...a sandwich?" Tamaki repeated, as though these words were the purest blasphemy. "_Just_ a sandwich?"

_~The Theater of Tamaki's Mind~_

"Oh, Tamaki Senpai!" Haruhi sang, her smile bright and cheerful, wearing a sundress patterned with little hearts. "Please, you must accept this! This sandwich is bursting with everlasting passion and the dreams of a girl who is hopelessly in love with you!"

"Haruhi, thank you." Tamaki murmured, lifting her chin with one slender finger as a rain of roses and unexplainable sparkles fell in a glittering shower around them both. "I love it. Honestly I do. This sandwich represents the eternal bond we both have for each other, and the strength of the feelings that run between our hearts. Truly this sandwich is the greatest creation that has ever come from this world."

"Yes, senpai, that's exactly right!" Haruhi cried out, tears in her eyes. "This homemade sandwich...is what love truly is!"

_~End Scene~_

Tamaki clenched his fist, shadows hiding his eyes. "I too must have a delicious sandwich made by Haruhi!" he declared, standing up abruptly. "Please, Haruhi. Give me your sandwich!"

"No way," Haruhi dead-panned, biting into said sandwich. An arrow shot through Tamaki's heart, stopping him cold. "This is my last sandwich. Go buy yourself something if you're that hungry."

"H-Haruhi's sandwich of love..." Tamaki wept, looking stricken.

"So, can we see them?" Hikaru and Kaoru said in unison, peering to look closer at the strange money. Haruhi shrugged, sliding over her lunch so both twins could see the small heap of coins. They blinked once, their twin golden eyes curious.

"They look old." Hikaru commented.

"And kind of dirty," Kaoru chimed in. "No wonder the cafeteria didn't want them. They look like something out of the sewers. I wonder what his deal was?"

~o~

"Princess, your beauty warms even the frozen tundra of this desolate land," Tamaki murmured, holding both of the star struck clients hands in his own. Snowflakes fell slowly from the ceiling, in the lightly air conditioned room. "Come away with me, or this entire region could melt from our shared passion..."

The Host Club glittered with fake snow, transformed into an Arctic wonderland. Decorative igloos adorned the scene, and the look was complete with what appeared to be _live_ penguins sliding around on the tile pathways. Electric fans made a light breeze dance through the club room, where ice cream was being served in tiny silver cups, with porcelain spoons the size of a pinky finger. Hot chocolate was poured into expensive cups in lieu of tea, to reinforce the idea of winter.

"I get that today is supposed to be Eskimo themed," Haruhi said dispassionately, looking around the transformed club room. "But why on earth is everyone dressed like _that_?"

The twins laughed from the corner, wearing loose white outfits that matched their polar bear head hoods, which looked disturbingly real. Tamaki himself appeared to be wearing a stylish hunting outfit trimmed with grey fur. Honey alone was wearing a fluffy Eskimo coat with a hood, and Mori was completely shirt-less for some reason.

"Wouldn't he freeze?" Haruhi sputtered, pointing at supposed 'spear fisher' sitting silently next to Honey, who was eating ice cream by the cupful.

"Why Haruhi, I'm surprised you haven't worked it out," Kyoya said silkily, the only person in the room without an elaborate costume. "Authenticity, while important, is second to the aesthetic factor that our club has come to be known for over over the years. We could hardly be wearing massive coats in a room the temperature of a freezer after all. It wouldn't be suitable. Instead, we have provided an arctic experience the ladies can enjoy without freezing, and with eye candy to boot. Tamaki demanded the penguins."

Haruhi herself was dressed as a seal, her face the only part of her that showed under the realistic costume. Whiskers were drawn on her dispassionate face, and her nose was colored in. "Sure. But why do I have to be a seal?"

"Seals are a natural part of the Eskimos life. Without them, they would face almost certain death. Besides, it was either that or an outfit chosen by Tamaki himself. Which would you prefer?" Kyoya said, answering her without hesitation.

"I think I'll stick with the seal," Haruhi said darkly, not even daring to _think_ of what Tamaki might have chosen for her. "Where's your costume anyways, senpai?"

"Originally I was supposed to be an Alaskan sled dog," Kyoya explained, in a voice that left no doubt whose idea _that_ had been. "Unfortunately, there was a delivery mishap, and the outfit couldn't make it here in time."

"Yeah, I'll bet," Haruhi said under her breath, wondering what had actually happened to the costume. Personally, she thought the Shadow King fit in just fine with the others, considering his icy personality.

"Your seal outfit is adorable, Haruhi!" one of her regulars gushed, lighting up. "I think it's super cute!"

"You really think so?" Haruhi replied, caught off guard. "Thanks, I appreciate that." Her clients looked dazzled by her response.

"Here, Princess," Tamaki said, his voice as smooth as velvet. "I braved the Alaskan wild this morning just to catch this fish for you. I hope you enjoy it." He picked up a piece of deluxe sushi with chopsticks, holding it out to his client, who was almost delirious with happiness. Before it could reach her mouth, the sushi was snatched by a penguin. Tamaki gaped, before standing up indignantly. "Hey, that was ours!" he complained to the impassive penguin. "Give it back you thief!"

The Prince slipped on the fake snow as the penguin slid away triumphantly, the prize held in its beak. Tamaki got to his feet angrily, pointing furiously at the penguin in question.

"Kyoya, I want these creatures banished from the clubroom!"

"You wanted them, so I'm afraid they'll have to stay until close," the Shadow King said, with the slightest hint of smugness.

"Look, look!" Honey gushed, smiling bright. "I made an Usa-chan out of snow! Want to have hot cocoa with us, snow bunny-chan?" He held a cup out to the snow sculpture carefully, which actually resembled a lumpy, upright pillow. His clients sweatdropped, looking at the dubious pile of snow.

"Y-you're right, Honey-chan, it looks just like him!"

"Really, it's uncanny! You have natural talent at snow sculpture!"

"You think so?" Honey said, surprised. Mori sipped his hot chocolate impassively.

"Oh Hikaru," Kaoru crooned, looking into his brothers eyes as though they were the only people in the world. "We can't do this...it isn't right..."

"Shut up," Hikaru snapped, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes for no real reason. "I don't care if it's right. As long as we're together, the world can label us whatever it wants. If you're with me, there isn't anything that can hurt me..." They hugged each other quickly, to the applause of a veritable crowd of entranced fan girls.

Tamaki brushed himself off, sitting across from his client once more. "I apologize for the distraction, milady. I believe we were about to share a part of my days catch. I would hunt for weeks on end without food, if it meant I could see your beautiful smile..." He picked up another piece of sushi as he spoke. He saw about ten penguins staring directly at him from his left as he did so, and cringed violently.

"Honestly," Haruhi sighed. "He brought food for the guests, but forgot to get anything for the penguins. No wonder they're hungry. I wonder where he even got penguins on such short notice?"

It had been a good day, she thought with satisfaction. She'd gotten a lot of clients, and there hadn't been a single mishap that _added_ to her debt. All in all, she couldn't complain. At this rate, she would work it off in no time.

After club hours were over, Haruhi changed into her school uniform, while a team of workers cleaned up the club room in record time. By the time she was finished, the music room was back to its normal state, no sign of penguins or fake snow anywhere. She grabbed her bag, but was stopped by Kyoya.

"Haruhi, I heard you received some coins from Takumi Hiroya earlier today," the Shadow King cut in. "Would you mind if I took a look at them?"

"Yeah, sure," Haruhi shrugged, digging the coins out of her pocket. She handed them over to her black haired senpai, who turned them over in his hand, his expression entirely unreadable. After a while, he returned them with a slight smile, inspection finished.

"You should take care of those," Kyoya said, as she returned them to her pocket. "A few are quite rare."

"Thanks," Haruhi said, a little dubiously. She picked up her bag, and left the clubroom.

"What's up with that Hiroya guy, giving Haruhi presents?" the twins complained in unison. "He doesn't even know her."

"And getting an immaculate homemade sandwich, crafted by Haruhi herself!" Tamaki joined in, like any righteous father would. "It is unforgivable!"

"Takumi-san was actually remarkably generous, especially considering this was in exchange for a commoners lunch," Kyoya remarked. "While most of those coins were fairly common, one in particular is quite valuable, if authentic. It is known as the "King" of Morgan Dollars, and is highly sought after by coin collectors. While twelve thousand of the coins were supposedly manufactured, only about eighty have been accounted for. Many theories have sprung up about the mysterious disappearance, adding further value to the coin."

"So it's worth some money then?" Hikaru asked, curious despite himself. "Maybe Haruhi could buy herself a spare uniform, or a lunch or two from the cafeteria."

"Yeah, or some cute girl clothes to wear on weekends," Kaoru chimed in. "Like a sundress."

"I'm afraid that the King of Morgan Dollars is worth more than an outfit or two."

"How much is it worth then?" Tamaki asked naively.

Kyoya smiled, pushing up his glasses until they glinted white. "Why, roughly 8 million yen. Give or take that is."

~o~

**Authors Note:** Hey everyone! It's been a while since I've been in this fandom, so I'm excited to branch out. This particular story is a favorite of mine, and I've been thinking of writing it for ages...but I never seemed to really get around to it. XD I'm sure you know how that is! You know the drill, feedback would be awesome, although I'm not expecting to get many reviews until a chapter or three in. Fair warning, this is a multi chapter fic, but there shouldn't be more than five. Thanks for reading!

oOo

"The King of Morgan Dollars". The 1895 Morgan Silver dollar is estimated at roughly $70,000 U.S dollars in prime condition. (So about ¥ 8,122,800). According to U.S. Mint records, there were 12,000 regular circulation Morgan Dollars struck for 1895. However, only 75 to 80 of the 1895 Morgans have been accounted for. The missing 12,000 coins is a mystery that has been hotly debated, but never fully explained. Most believe that the coins were never minted in the first place, and that this notation in the Mint accounting ledgers is in error. Some believe that the coins were minted, but melted down for various reasons. One theory even proposes the coins were lost at sea in a shipwreck.

oOo

Questions, comments or concerns? You know how to reach me!

~K-Tori


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